venusjenntrap

The further I get through nursing school the more I realize what he did was wrong. Seven years after the fact do I make it an issue or do I hope that he has learned right from wrong and he's not doing this to his patients.  

I cut my finger..
Ya know....every time I dive into one of these mosaics, i tell myself no more!!!

this one is way past deadline and WOW has consumed me.. 48x36... and if you cant tell what it is or who its for.. .well, theres no helping ya! =-)

I have a few more in the pipes to complete. and thinking about doing more jewelry i think.. gives me an outlet..

Drinking coffee alone is like drinking whiskey alone.
Just a way to drown it all.

Next thing you know, I'll be dying my hair black and listening to the cure!!

sometimes i wonder if the decision was the right one
and question myself is living in fear living?

a long day of work.. and a long night of inputting information into the computer.. for work..

Blah

I want to sleep

...The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love.. and be loved in return......

hey there all.. i am applying for nursing scholarships... one is from baptist/wolfson.. this is my why i wanna do this and how will it benefit wolfson paper what do you think?:




If I had to tell you why I am embarking on another journey through school and pursuing a career in Pediatric Nursing for Wolfson Children’s at 31 in two words those words would be: Othello Smith. That may not make sense initially. In order to truly understand why I am entering the nursing field, one would have to know the back story.
In 2002, life as I knew it abruptly changed. I gave birth to a son, Othello Smith. Othello was born at Baptist Downtown; he had gastrochisis. Immediately upon his entrance into the world, he was whisked away to NICU and prepped for surgery. I was taken to the maternity ward, to recover from my C-section and wait.
I waited four hours for news. Dr. Mollit, the Pediatric Surgeon from Nemours, came into my room to deliver the news. Necrotic, jejunal atresia, TPN, G-tube feeds, Pediatric Hospice, and so many more foreign terms were hurled at me. Just four hours after I welcomed Othello, I was told I would need to start preparing my goodbyes.
The next morning I went to the NICU. I scrubbed in and was wheeled to Othello’s bedside. I watched as my 5 pound 1 ounce newborn breathed with the assistance of a machine. I stood there helpless as the RNs had to stick him for blood and give him injections. I asked, “What can I do?” I was told to just be there as emotional support for him, enjoy what time I may have with him and take care of myself.
The next two months were spent in the neonatal intensive care unit. I was given my introduction to the next two years of my life. It was my “crash coarse nursing education.” Melissa Faciane, one of the amazing nurses on 6 Wolfson, was one of my many great teachers. From her, as well as others, I learned how to complete sterile CVL dressing changes. I was taught how to insert a nasal gastric tube properly, to listen for the air sounds in the abdomen once it is placed. I was given instruction on how to prepare and administer TPN. The delicate balances of the nutrients and lipids that were to keep my Othello alive and nourished changed almost weekly. I had to stay abreast of the changes. I took his vitals, administered oral, intravenous medications. I was taught how to give Othello Sub-Q injections, monitor his Input and Output and many other little things.
Nearly two months passed, and it was time to take Othello home. Armed with the knowledge and training I received from the nurses, doctors and support staff at Wolfson, Othello and I went home. Upon arrival, I met his new “Home Nurse.” She immediately came to Othello, and attempted to access his CVL without proper precautions. No hand washing, no gloves, nothing to keep him or her safe. I immediately relieved her of her duties and took on the role of 24 hour mother and nurse.
Daily routines were established. My home was converted into a hospital. I created an area to store his medical equipment, supplies, medications, and therapy aids. Each morning I would wake, take Othello’s vitals, administer medications, document his I&Os, contact doctors as needed, schedule appointments, and research his condition and possible treatments. The entire time I was his nurse, never forgetting I was mommy and he needed to be ALIVE, not just live. We played games, had adventures, got to know each other.
At 5 months, Othello was showing obvious signs of liver failure. His skin was jaundiced, his eyes – just as yellow. Between myself, Dr. George and his cohorts at Nemours, it was determined Othello needed transplant. I took Othello to Miami, Jackson Memorial Hospital, to have him listed.
Nine months passed. Nine months of being Nurse Mommy. Othello and I received the CALL. He was to receive a multi-visceral transplant. 15 hours of surgery later, we began a new journey.
Again, Othello lay in an ICU bed. He was attached to over a dozen pumps. He was intubated. His abdomen distended. I immediately began learning all the new medications, dosages, interactions, and plan of care. I worked side by side with the RNS and Transplant surgeons, to insure Othello’s care was top notch.
You learn as a transplant family, that transplant is not a cure – it a new way of life and a new set of challenges. I would not let the challenges stand in my way, or Othello’s. If you were to speak with the gastroenterologists and transplant team in Miami, they would tell you that many times, I pre-diagnosed Othello’s condition. I notified the physicians, and initially they would ignore me. I would persist, because I was diligent and wanted the best quality care for my son/patient. Every time, my assumptions were confirmed.
There was one instance in the PICU, a week post-transplant, where I saw his abdomen opening. Othello's skin was necrotic, and his organs were exposed. I notified the surgeons, and was told me I was imagining things. 24 hours later, the same surgeons were apologizing and repairing his abdomen with a bovine foreskin graft over his midsection. Another time, I notified the doctors that Othello was experiencing Graft vs. Host disease. Since this is rare occurrence in solid organ transplant patients, it was brushed off. I sent photographs, and reference materials. Scheduled dermatologist visits for biopsies, and had records sent to the transplant facility. Once the results of my legwork were received, Othello was transported to receive care for the confirmed case of GVHD.
I feel that the training the nurses of Wolfson and the GI team at Nemours gave me helped me to become this way. I feel that there openness to teach, and help me to care for my Othello was an integral part of getting him to and through transplant.
Fourteen months following the transplant were spent between Miami Jackson Memorial as an inpatient and outpatient, at Wolfson and Home. Even during inpatient stays I was more often than not be the person providing his care. Just as I would at home, I would change dressings, administer medications, do blood draws from his CVL, measure input and output, change ostomy bags and more.
After a two month stay at Jackson Memorial, I decided to bring Othello back to Jacksonville. His condition was worsening, and we had exhausted all treatments. Many of the treatments were experimental, many routine and tried multiple times. I felt he needed to be home, near family and friends. I took Othello to Wolfson, contacted Peds Care and made one of the hardest, yet easiest decisions ever. We were not giving up, we were changing course.
I took Othello home for the last time on June 28, 2004. Just 5 days after he turned two. Karen Painter, of Peds Care, and other nurses helped set me up at home for the final days. I was given instruction of how to administer his morphine, and what to do to keep him comfortable. Many families choose to have the Hospice RN stay in home… I chose to have them just check in periodically. The last few days of his life were spent in my arms and by my side. We listened to his favorite music, and watched his favorite movies. Though, he slept most of the time. He was comfortable. Othello passed away at home, peacefully on July 1, at 4 am.
Six months after his passing, I took on two more projects. Firstly, I created the red wagon toy drive, to memorialize Othello and give back to Wolfson and the patients there. I coordinated fundraisers, toy drives and made connections in the community to help in this endeavor. Since 2004, I have made this an annual event. Donating wagons for patient transport, toys for the children and child life, and funds for assistance in playroom renovation. Secondly, I started a new job in a funeral home. I was able to work closely with families that were beginning a difficult journey. This is a very traumatic and emotional time for families, and I was honored to be able to help others in their time of need.
I knew that I wanted to give back. I knew that I wanted to help others just as Othello was helped. I was recently given the opportunity to attend nursing school. For years, I knew that I wanted to be a nurse – but never had the chance. I immediately took the entrance exam, scored a 94.37% and was accepted.
Once I have completed school and have passed the boards I have plans to give to those just like Othello. I have decided that Wolfson Children’s Hospital is the organization that I really feel drawn to commit to. I would be honored to be invited to join an amazing team of doctors, nurses, therapists, and support staff at Wolfson. Wolfson gave me the foundation to help Othello, and the foundation for the career I am heading towards. I was shown the compassion that a nurse should have. It was instilled in me the importance of patient care. Working with the Wolfson team would be one of the most rewarding careers and experiences of my life.
I feel that I have the heart to provide the best care for the patients and their families. Now, I am taking on the books and the boards to ensure I know everything I need to know to provide the best possible care for the patients. If I am awarded this scholarship, it would not only help me to attain the education I need to join the Wolfson team and bring another much needed nurse to Wolfson, but it would help thousands of children and their families whose lives I will positively impact.